Wednesday, September 20, 2006

To quit or not to quit

I'm seriously considering quitting the job I've had for two weeks. Teaching English is such a rollercoaster of ups and downs and for someone with a woeful anxiety disorder its just a bit too much. Much too much, in fact. Its tapped into every fear I've ever had: performance anxiety, public speaking anxiety, feeling like I have no idea what I'm doing, being ill-prepared for work, etc. I just don't think it suits my temperament at all! And then every now and then I'll have just a wonderful lesson and I'll think maybe it's all worth it. I have no idea what to do. And I spend most of every day just shuttling from one scary business to another to teach stuff I have no idea about and it takes hours and hours just travelling. I don't want to come home--I love living here, and the people I've met--but I don't know how long I can last with no job (or if I can find another job!). The cycle of anxiety, fear, anguish, despair, and relief can only go on so long...

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